No, I did not just get out of a relationship. And no, this isn’t about to be advice on how you can instantly be happy after your hearts been broken. Sorry to disappoint you if that’s what you’re looking for.
But perhaps my monthly challenge & single status as of late, has left me more apt to reflection. I’ve had the ability to really think clearly on some of my past relationships.
A good while ago, I came to my older sister, when feeling down & out over a relationship (or lack thereof), and she said something to me that’s really stuck. It was along the lines of: “keep working on yourself. think about becoming the kind of wife you want to be one day.”
With those few words, especially that w-word, she really helped change my perspective. I find that we (myself included) are constantly looking to a relationship, with the hopes of getting something out of it. Sure– to an extent, rightfully so. But most of our questions come back to: what does this person do for me? What am I getting out of it? How will it serve me?
I think part of that me-ism is natural. It’s practically human nature to be self-seeking. Yet I also find it to be a protective measure; a defense mechanism of sorts. We’re too scared to be vulnerable. We’re petrified to open up and go all in. So we keep looking for a significant other to fill us up, constantly seeking affirmation and reassurance.
Oh and heaven forbid we have to make changes or sacrifice anything on another’s behalf. I mean that would just be out of the question, right?
What I think a lot of us miss, is that to be really successful in any relationship, we have to be responsible for filling ourselves up first. Not being self-seeking, but feeling complete.
Then, when were fatefully blessed with the company of another, we must wholeheartedly embrace all the good times, the real ones, and the not-so-good ones. Not being afraid to ask the tough questions, get down to finding out what it is about this person that you really love. And when you find that match, there’s no other choice but to give 100%. A relationship can’t thrive off of giving 50/50. I mean the second someone gives 49%, all hell is breaking loose. We’re always calculating. Yet, when we take responsibility for giving 100%, 100% of the time, even when they’re not, I’m convinced there’s a pivotal change in our capacity to be in relationship with another. For all its’ ebbs and flows.
I believe in the power of communication. I believe in true love. I really do. And mostly, I believe in the blessing of a God-given partner, in His timing.
So maybe the break up I’m referring to here is getting over & giving up the false pretense that your prince charming will one day swoop in and save you. Break up with that philosophy. Keep building the woman (or man) you are, and the ability you possess to give and love another. Get excited for the possibility of having someone to share that with. To being that person, for them.
After all, at the end of the day, we do not have to seek fulfillment in how anyone makes you feel. The only and most perfect love comes from Him alone. That means believing that He is always there to help you along the way; to always satisfy your soul in unimaginable ways.
break-up with feeling broken & alone. you are good enough.